“I love you, Mom. I love you play with me. Love
(picture of a girl and boy together).”
This on a piece of paper was my mother’s day gift by my 5-year-old boy. I did not know exactly how to feel about this letter. I could take this letter in two ways,
1. Mom you play with me a lot and I love it
2. Mom, I love that you play with me, but maybe it is not enough for me. Could you please play with me longer?
While contemplating this, it led me to various new thoughts to reflect on.
What amount of time is a good one to be spending with your kids?
DO we have to spend the entire day with them?
When people say “chores can wait”, what do they mean? Whom do they expect to finish the chores when it is all play with your kids?
Well! Is my kid going to hate me for saying “I’m busy” to him for the 4th time in the last five minutes, even though I spent the hour before that playing charades with him? Is he going to remember that hour I spend with him or my Nos’?
Oh, This mom guilt! It is extremely poisonous. When it enters you, it slowly spread all over your mind and disables the normal functioning as a human. That is because of the expectations that society sets for a “mom”.
Yes! A mom is a very selfless person. But that doesn’t mean she should only be a selfless person. The society around you makes you fall in the trap of being sacrificial, guilt of putting yourself over your kids. The mom Guilt is a package that comes along with the entire motherhood thing.
Moms 50-60 years ago who staying home while the Men were supposed to be the sole bread- winner of the family, used to feel lonely, miserable and sad all the time. They craved for the exposure and rights just like the men. Today if not most of us, many of us have that but we are still lonely and guilt ridden. The Mom guilt has wrapped up the entire motherhood fraternity.
Ever since the Pandemic, lockdown, quarantine moms all over the world are trapped inside their own home with their family members, attending the needs of their family day and night. Many moms are struggling to get themselves a one on one time for each and every family member, alone time is not even a question here. Many are still struggling to set boundaries and limits on the things, considering the mental health for the whole family, but still failing to care for their own mental health.
With all these drifted thoughts, I would like to consider myself a good mom who is struggling to bring a balance in everything in her life. Maybe my kid is entirely not happy with the kind of commitment I give to him, but keeping my entire family (which includes myself) I’m going to assume his letter meant to make me happy and not drowning myself in these guilt-ridden thoughts.
A few days ago, my 6-year-old had a meltdown about not being able to write a story perfectly. I sat down to explain him that there is nothing called “Perfection”. You doing your best is the only perfection that we all should seek.
He immediately asked me then “Why is there a word called “Perfect”? Why did god invent that word?”. His reply made me awestruck. I blurted out something that came out of my mind randomly, that I suppose answered his question.
The Mom guilt is a result of our seeking for perfection. There is no thing as ”Perfect mom”, yet we run towards it. We all strive to be a better version of what we were yesterday. Unlike anything else in the world Motherhood doesn’t come with a trial run. We face everything with no previous experience and we fight every day to do the best for the Family. We should all be proud of ourselves. We are all “perfect in our own ways”. Try not to dwell into things that fills us with Guilt. Mistakes happen! Move on , learn from it and look forward.
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Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/ammaandherboys/
About Author- In her words : A normal brown kid engineer turned to a stay-at-home mom living away from home with her tiny family. I married my college bestie against all odds in “two states” (except for it is two religions) fashion. Two boys Jivin and Nevin call this weird girl amma. What started as the vent out for the depression of motherhood in few Instagram posts is now ammaandherboys (@ammaandherboys). I always love doing things that I have no clue about, just like motherhood. That is how I created a love for homeschooling, arts, crafts, sewing, travel, and exploration with my boys.
In picture : Alarmathi Sankaran